


We Break So Hard

by silraen



Category: The Blacklist, The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Anger, F/M, Hurt, Love, anguish, post 4.10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 20:57:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9344042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silraen/pseuds/silraen
Summary: After Liz leaves, Red reflects on her vague promise that he can come to her apartment someday.





	

_I don't know why, I don't know why_  
_We need to break so hard_  
_I don't know why we break so hard_

* * *

_May I see your new apartment?_

The alcohol burned down his throat as he angrily threw back another swig, finishing off his drink. 

_Not yet. Maybe someday._

Red's lip curled into a snarl as he slammed the small, empty glass down on the table. He winced at the sound it made. Hopefully the glass hadn't cracked. Then he sighed, rubbing his hand over his face wearily. 

Damn her. _Damn her._ He was trying, damn it!

Before, he wouldn't have asked--he would have simply just shown up _inside_ her damn apartment whether she liked it or not. But he had actually asked her permission, respecting her desire--infuriating as it was--to keep lines firmly drawn in the sand.

Did she recognize that he was making the effort? Because it certainly seemed like his overtures were getting him nowhere with her. 

But she hadn't denied him. She could have. Certainly she had done worse to him and they both knew it. They were both painfully aware of it. Her betrayal still hung unspoken between them, poisoning everything they said to each other and did for one another. And it would remain this way until he confronted her because--damn it--she certainly wouldn't come to him about it first. 

Red gazed down at the thick, lush carpet. It was so white. So pure. But its color was deceptive. Blood had been spilled and splattered twice, corrupting it. Its purity was a lie. 

Had she been lying to him when she had said "someday"? 

_Oh, most likely,_ the pragmatic part of his mind sneered at him. 

The despair and desperation he had been trying to hold at bay within his mind for so long broke free of his chokehold a bit...enough to where he let out a breath that sounded more like a gasp. Or, to the keener ear, a sob.

But...she _had_ smiled at him. It had been a small smile, but it had been genuine. 

_You have conveniently forgotten, Reddington.... She has smiled like that at you before._ The thought dripped with contempt. 

He lifted his dry eyes, unseeing of his surroundings as snippets of memories flashed through his mind...of the night of the fire, of feeling her trusting little hand in his, of the way that same hand, but now different...elegant, slender, _adult,_ had trustingly gripped his as they had danced that one breathless time...of her long, dark hair cascading down her back, of those marvelous blue eyes searching his, her own at times lit with the fire of challenge, and at other times with gentle thoughtfulness...of her blonde hair gleaming in the sunlight as she turned her head to flash a brilliant smile at him as he worked at a lock....

 _And she has done more than just smile at you._ The thought was cruelly disdainful. 

More memories, the ones that were most precious, the ones that he had secreted away deep in his heart, rose unbidden to the fore. The way she had trustingly fallen asleep against his shoulder, the way her eyes had glittered with starfire after they had first kissed on the shipping container, the intimate look they had shared as he had taken her into his arms, the way her hands had grasped him closer when they had sought more during their time on the run...the way her lips felt on his....

Pained, Red closed his eyes, his hands clenching into fists. 

He remembered the way her eyes had glimmered with desire as he had lain her down on the sofa, the way her soft hair had crackled through his fingers, the way she had tenderly traced the burn scars that wove around his shoulder and over his back, fingers barely touching him out of respect but he remembered how the caress had sent him to trembling...how her bare skin had slid against his, how she had caught her breath as he had gently kissed the scars on the inside of her wrist...he could remember the soft noises she had made as she had moved over him, and the way she had breathed his given name as she had lost herself, taking him with her....

_Raymond...._

Growling, Red's eyes snapped open and he found himself looking at the completed puzzle on the table. That damn, pristinely pure white, _infuriating ___puzzle.

_Not yet. Maybe someday._

He had slipped the last piece into place, finishing it, but the victory had been hollow. 

She had been so beautiful. So ambiguously cruel. And he had been so bitterly devastated, barely containing his mounting disappointment and anger. 

Red stalked over to it, her words ringing in his mind. 

_Raymond...._

_Not yet. Maybe someday._

With a hoarse cry of rage and pain, he swiped his hand sharply across the puzzle.

The pieces flew across the room, tumbling hard to the floor in a broken jumble.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes:  
> This ficlet takes place post 4.10 The Forecaster  
> This includes events from my other two fics "Starfire" and "Jump"  
> The lyrics above are from Birdy's _Let It All Go_


End file.
